Deviation Actions
Literature Text
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As the society is matriarchal, one's most prominent heritage is through the females of the ancestry. Excuse me for sounding a little biblical.
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SUMMARY
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Verucassi was borne of Jaibulun, Diaori, and Fyliinat. She lived for seven-hundred and twenty-four teres, and begat four daughters; Lyncassi, Harracassi, Zaracassi, and Kiolancassi.
Vaarunu was a descendant of Zaracassi. She lived for seven-hundred and ninety teres, and begat eight daughters; lastly of whom was named Jasmine.
Jasmine lived for two-hundred and seventy-eight teres, and lived and died during the time of the Great Hillican war. She begat two daughters; the younger of whom was Andromeda.
Andromeda brought about the turning point of the Great Hillican war, lived for six-hundred and eighty-three teres, and begat ten daughters from the same man; the eighth in line was named Sunshine, the younger of her two triplet sisters: Sunrise and Sunset.
Sunshine lived for eight-hundred and fifty-seven teres, and also begat ten daughters; the third in line was named Andromeda, after her grandmother.
Andromeda lived for an hundred and sixty-nine teres, and had but one daughter; Rashina.
Rashina is four-hundred and twenty-three teres of age, and had two daughters; the elder of whom died, and the younger was abandoned.
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PROGENY
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Vaarunu was the mother to thirteen children. Her first husband, Nikian, was the father of Caeni, F'daarian, Petunita, Niana, Qoan, Idreth, and Nikola. Her second husband, Zerret, was the father of Ziani, Ollina, Nepitot, Sapphire, Jasmine, and Errald.
Jasmine was the mother of four children. Tain fathered Orion out of wedlock. Her only husband, Charles, was the father of Sethrenn, Petra, and Andromeda.
Andromeda was the mother of eighteen children. Her only husband, Mitchel, was the father of Aaron, Karen, Chiya, Twyla, Iaeka, Eian, Rayvyn, John, Shadrak, Ralph, Jessa, William, Sunrise, Sunset, Sunshine, Kaylee, Katee, and Jokle.
Sunshine was the mother of sixteen children. Her only husband, Dorric, was the father of Michaelangelo, Alorai, Cleopatra, Andromeda, Brien, Katlynn, Laisa, Jasmine, Russel, Yulanna, Devin, Chia, Erik, Orora, Ella, and Aron.
Andromeda was the mother of two children. Her third husband, Cirotis, was the father of Orion, and Rashina.
Rashina was the mother of three children. Jerek fathered Elizabeth; Deon fathered Kitta; Jeejum fathered Hope.
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STORIES
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Vaarunu was the first of her bloodline to ascend the throne of Zoconchra. She was a humble woman, but ruled the government with a firm hand. In spite of her parents being largely absent, she had a sheltered upbringing; the peace only being marred by the zealous lectures of her tutors. All who knew her were shocked at the announcement of her being the most pure of royalty. She was only an adolescent at the time, but learned the traditions quickly as she was groomed. Vaarunu is now widely known for her speedy ascension.
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Jasmine was a stubborn child; always feeling out of place in her large family. Through some odd twist of fate, she was chosen to be the next ruler of the government when her mother passed away. Despite the pressure on her growing up, she reached adulthood with a firm mind. Jasmine strove to be as perfect as she could, and this led to a breaking point; when she could no longer hold a brave face.
In spite of her socially unacceptable behavior -the birth, and abandonment, of a child out of wedlock- she bounced back with vigor, and married her betrothed. Their relationship, as one could imagine, didn't last; Jasmine had forgotten how to love. Through many years of fighting, and the death of their first daughter, they had no choice but to break it off. Charles harbored no hard feelings, and took their son away to be groomed for the military; leaving Jasmine alone -as she had demanded- to deal with finding her own happiness.
This illusion of control was suddenly shattered when they were attacked by the ones that had prior given them so much warmth. In haste, everything in the folklore and mythology was dug up from the old records in an effort to find a way to combat this enemy yet again. The Great war had begun, and everyone scrambled to find footing; everyone excepting Jasmine. All the years that she had been queen, she had been preparing herself and many others to this possibility, and she moved with decisive accuracy.
The war lagged on for many years; casualties and anger building up with each passing day. Jasmine made a foolish decision to join the fight directly, but was able to be reunited with her son and husband just before she met her end in a blazing flare of shattered dreams.
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Andromeda was often left alone when she was young; unable to understand the war that was going on around. Her mother hid her away in the forestead before she died, and Andromeda was forced into solitude until she was an adult. Raising up as the sole heir to her mother's throne, she led the largest army that Zoconchra had ever seen. Gathering friends from the stars, they beat back their enemies as far as they could muster, and in return Andromeda had fallen in love with a human.
Their romance burned brightly, after a rocky start, and they dwelt in relative peace and happiness. Every new life seemed to be a dawning of possibility, and Andromeda led a large-scale scouting mission to broaden their knowledge and recognition of everything beautiful.
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Sunshine was a reckless child; growing up in such a safe environment made her feel like she could do anything. Her mother always cautioned her, but was a big believer in free will, so Sunshine ended up doing every single thing that came to her mind. After getting caught and reprimanded the first few times, she ended up going bitter; turning to her human side for comfort.
In her teenage years, she wore drab colors just to get on her sisters' nerves, and acted out aggressively at every given opportunity. When she came of age, she ran away from home; going back to the roots that she felt like she most identified with: earth.
The blue planet was a very unforgiving place for Sunshine, but she held strong; pushing through every trial with all her might. Though well-guarded, her heart couldn't help but fall in love on several occasions; each relationship ending poorly in one way or another. Sunshine made her own path through the grime of earth life; knowing that she could never again face her mother, and go home.
One day, she stumbled into a Zoconchren outpost, and found the best friends that she ever could have hoped for. Sunshine had always felt a little out of place when it came to her world, or this one, but this group of beautiful people made her feel like she had finally found somewhere to call home.
Inevitably, she ended up falling in love -yet again- but this time with a Zoconchren boy who understood her. They were married, had many children, and he eventually talked her into going to see her mother.
Everything was put in the past when Sunshine and her mother reconciled, and they lived in the peace and luxury of Zoconchra again.
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Andromeda was born on earth, and always took the time to glory in the beauty of it; while Zoconchra was swift and sleek, earth was always full of adventure and color. Nonetheless, when her home needed her to be around, she was prepared. There was an uprising of Zoconchren people who just wanted to force their will on others, and the government would not have it.
Being one of the greats in office, Andromeda chastised the ones who rebelled, and gave them the ability to return to the ranks of Zoconchra. Most simply faded into the darkness, and were never heard from again, but a few of the rebellious fought back and were banished. A few found eternal hatred with the government's harsh words, but in the midst of it all a certain man caught Andromeda's eye.
She ended up settling on earth -with her new husband- determined to see all that it had to offer. Her first son was sent away to a military school, as per his father's wishes; their daughter was born a while after in a dingy hotel, but the world had never seemed so bright.
As if to echo that feeling, a few years later they moved to the City of Lights. The affair ended, suddenly, and at the end of a sword; one of the rebellious men from years ago had tracked the family down and murdered the happy couple. Leaving two orphaned children in his wake.
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Rashina, like her mother, was born on earth; their happiness was mildly short lived, when both of her parents were killed with her in the next room. The assassin had not taken into account that they had children so young, and Rashina was overlooked; on more than one occasion.
Because of their alien status, the family had not been entered into the system, and her parents had come and gone widely unnoticed. Leaving her alone to fend for herself on a strange planet at the age of four.
The years passed by very slowly, it seemed for Rashina, and she most often was found partnering with kindhearted homeless people. She grew weaker with every passing moment, but a stranger took her in one day. Her name was Kulani, and she gladly adopted the child; they were happy together for a time. Only a year later Kulani got into a car accident, and her boyfriend took over the custody rights to Rashina.
Sorrow engulfed both of their lives, and Kulani's ex saw to it that Rashina felt more pain than either of them put together. He would often beat the child into unconsciousness, and then turn to alcohol to drink the rest of his frustration away.
As a result of several months of nightly torment, Rashina got pregnant. Only being twelve at the time, her mind reeled, and she hid herself away so it would not be found out by the baby's father; for he would surely want to kill the child. At the end of many long months, she gave birth to a son, and had to abandon him at the porch of a church.
Returning back to Kulani's ex was a hard thing, but she had to out of guilt, and he made certain that Rashina was severely reprimanded for the time spent away. The hopelessness was almost tangible for her, until one fateful night when the man had overdosed from his vices.
Rashina was tossed into the foster system, having been brought to the attention of the government from her former adoption, and found a place with a family who just wanted the paycheck. They wouldn't let her see a dime, and it reminded her of living on the streets again; save the roof over her head.
She was then forced into high school; having to scrounge through the dumpsters to find any scrap for nourishment. Yet, hope had slowly made its way back into her heart. Rashina maintained two jobs over the first summer there, and found several things that came easily to her.
Finally able to eat things not found on the bottom of someone's shoe, she grew happier, and started coming out of her shell. Having no friends excepting mocking retorts, Rashina walked with her head up through high school; confident in her standing because her brother had found her, and was coming for a visit.
They bonded as if the many years spent apart had not even occurred, and started building a house together; Orion having a large paycheck available from years of military work, and many connections. The architects and builders helped the pair of siblings work, but mostly it was just the two of them. The work would be slow, but satisfying.
The house was nearly completed by the time Rashina turned eighteen, and she graduated high school with her brother by her side. Rather suddenly, Orion took ill, and opted to undergo an experimental procedure. It seemed to work, but for only a time, and her ended up dying; Rashina not caring if the house had been finished or not.
She lived alone in her sorrow; determined to not get close to anyone else, so she wouldn't get hurt when they inevitably left her. To sate her boredom of staying inside her own world all the time, she took up hobbies, and even entered into a few online classes to feed her ever-growing desire to learn.
By chance, she found a guy online who seemed like he understood her, and she felt like she could put herself out in the world again. They met, and she fell in love, but it didn't seem to her that he felt the same way. In a last-ditch effort to save their relationship, she decided it was a good idea to have a baby. Her love found that no amount of effort was worth being with Rashina, and he left her alone with his child.
Suddenly, as if sensing her sorrow and deeming it a good time to strike, the very same men that had murdered her parents came for her. She ran as quickly as was possible; leaving everything that she had known behind.
Living as quiet a life as one could with a newborn, Rashina ducked into the shadows to escape the men. In her clumsy attempts, she became acquainted with a Zoconchren woman named D'recce. She had been tracking the rebels for quite some time, but was willing to give up her footing to help Rashina and her child.
The men caught up with them, and they had to make a choice to leave the child with a quiet Zoconchren couple so to avoid the rebels' exploitation. Rashina left her daughter with great reluctance, but understood why she had to, and kept running.
Many months passed, and the two of them end up in Zoconchra for the most protection. It is learned who Rashina is, and she is assigned guards. One of her protection detail happened to be a handsome young man, and Rashina couldn't help but fancy him.
They had a romantic, yet short-lived affair, and ended up feeling more like siblings than lovers. He pulled away for a time, but she had no hard feeling toward him, and they both waited out the rebels together. When they had passed them by and given up for the time being, she and Calaban broke it off entirely.
Rashina then set back out into the world so to finish the house that her and Orion had been working on those years ago. She lived alone for a while, and decided to go to college and increase her learning yet more. She found many boys there who liked her, and lived in one love then the next.
She eventually hit a breaking point, her heart not able to be broken any more, and had to be hospitalized in order to not let memories drive her to something she'd regret. Rashina was helped greatly by the doctors and other patients, and a while after felt ready to rejoin the world. This feeling is mildly short lived, and she went back into a depression soon after discharge.
She would try anything at all to distract from the painful memories, and was often found drifting into aimlessness; fighting meaningless battles and entertaining false intimacy. Rashina soon found her goal, the rebels who had taken those she had loved from her, and tracked them with vengeance in her heart.
They would run from her for a while, and she from them; getting caught and tortured on occasion; dragging their rivalry from weeks into years. Rashina was found out by the Zoconchren government, and there were sent out three bodyguards; one of whom she had already been acquainted with. They help with her protection, but mostly bring her back into sanity.
Rashina began to be disheartened by her own actions, and ended up settling back down into her house; the three men being sent away from her. She wallowed in her loneliness for a time, but soon found hope in the faces of three teenage Zoconchren boys in the foster system.
She adopted the boys, determined to give them a steadier home than she had ever had, and taught them what it is to be Zoconchren. They grew to adore her, and she them, and became great men with lives all their own.
With the graduation and moving out of all three boys, Rashina faded a little back into depression. Determined to not revisit her old self, she went to Zoconchra in search of entertainment and anything to get her mind off her real problems.
There she found a device that could bend through dimensions, and she jumped at the chance; putting her life in the hands of people she didn't know and their temperamental machine. When one world was found to be uninteresting, she hopped to another, and so on; increasing the chance with every moment that she would never be able to return home.
One day in a dense forested part of the world she was visiting, she found a man. He was the most interesting creature she had ever found, and quickly fell in love with him. They had a whirlwind romance that only lasted for a while, but had seemed like years for Rashina. She was pregnant again, but when she told the man, he panicked; confessing that he was already married.
She was thrown back into confusion and loss, as the man turned away from her just as she had a transmission from home. The message was to return immediately, for Zoconchra was in great peril, and they needed every person of high-standing to regroup. Unfortunately, the portal machine had been tampered with on this side, and Rashina could not risk the loss of her fetus.
She had to make the choice to leave yet another child behind; perhaps more skillfully this time. Rashina had held the tiny child in her hands for a moment, wondering if anything could be so beautiful, and named her Hope to combat her lack of it. She sneaked into her lover's house that night, and planted the babe in his wife's womb; thinking that no one would know the difference.
Rashina then woefully made the intense journey back to her realm, and was unconscious for a few days. Waking up, she learned that the rebels had been barraging every Zoconchren outpost, as well as some human dwellings, and would not rest until their obstacles laid in ruin.
Rashina picked herself up, and led a counterattack that wiped away much of the rebels' foundation. She threw herself into battle, feeling that she had nothing else to lose, and came away with victory. The head of the rebels mounted one last effort to win, pulling out a weapon that would change the face of any world it was aimed at, and Rashina flew to dismantle the thing.
All the rebels' plans were snuffed out of existence in one brilliant display; as the explosions faded away, the search for Rashina mounted. She was found several weeks later in a pile of rubble; barely hanging onto life. She was then nursed back to health on Zoconchra, and reprimanded for going out on her own like that when so many depended on her.
Rashina lived on her home planet for a while, being groomed to become a great head in the government, even though she did not want to be. She would often sneak away to search for the child she had left, but could never find her; each time reluctantly returning to Zoconchra in order to continue her learning.
After a few years, Rashina had earned the right to take a leave of absence for a time, and set out into space with her friend Calaban for a scouting mission. Hoping to come back with some answers to her long awaited questions.
[present]
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Hope had a hard childhood, but is still alive, though unaware of her mother; being worlds apart.
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Hope (hoho) that you like it, anyone who actually took the time to read this. If you have any questions, or want me to expand on something (other than Hope's story; that's a secret for now), please say so c: Oh, and, yes, this Sunshine girl I write about is my usernamesake.
Also, please be aware that this is the first time I've written any of this down; most of it has a lot more substance than this -I just wanted to summarize their stories- and note that my writing technique is not the best or most practiced in the world, and I also have little quirks that I don't want to give up even if they're not "correct" ...so if you have critique/criticism, please keep it in perspective and constructive <3
I don't ever plan on being the victim of theft, but in case:
✷ All these characters belong to me; they are not fan fiction.
✷ The stories belong to me, and do not purposely resemble any other stories; including, but not limited to, movies, books, games, fan fiction, and head-worlds.
✷ Mentioned universe belongs to me (excepting Earth) and SRSLY WHO ELSE WOULD NAME SOMETHING ZOCONCHRA FOR PETE'S SAKE.
✷ You may not use these things for your stories, worlds, or anything else unless I give you permission.
✷ I just don't want this stolen c: not like anybody would... but I've been working on this since I was ten, and it's a bit of a sore subject for me.
Check out the group zUsolain if you want more information on the worlds/species/characters. Most of it isn't uploaded yet -still a lot in my head- but if you're interested, we'd love to have ya.
> Questions for critics:
Should there be more detail or explanation added, if so which parts?
Am I using words and placement correctly?
Do I overuse the semicolon or comma?
I tend to run-on or over describe; what would be your advice for rewording when I need to?
How do the characters seem to you? I ...I'm afraid ...Mary-Sue ...ish?
How do you even make a character seem like a non-Sue when in a summary?
Should I detail them more in this so to look less flat?
How do the stories or way I told them feel to you? I'm not so great with structure, so tips would be appreciated.
Are the stories even understandable?
Is there anything you think I ought to fix/rewrite/research/etc?
Thanks for stopping by c: I'd love to have a comment from you; just try not to be nasty.
Critique courtesy of 
“Excuse me for sounding a little biblical” … sounds interesting! I haven't read the Bible but I've read Tolkien, so, same thing?
“Verucassi was borne of Jaibulun, Diaori, and Fyliinat … begat four daughters; Lyncassi, Harracassi, Zaracassi, and Kiolancassi” … excellent, but don't expect me to remember all those names because I can't … also, Veru has three parents? That's an interesting way to subtly show an alien species. Or is this one of those things where three gods come together to breath life into the first of a great line?
“Vaarunu was a descendant of Zaracassi” … why did we skip down to Vaar? What happened between her and Zara? A quick “Zaracassi begat X who begat Y who begat Z who begat Vaar” would be nice, since apparently the narrator is interested in giving in-depth heritage lists
“seven-hundred and twenty-four teres … seven-hundred and ninety teres ... two-hundred and seventy-eight teres … six-hundred and eighty-three teres” … I feel like you wanted them to seem elf-like with the big number ages but it just feels like a different set of counting, not actually like they are living longer. Elves don't feel like they live a long time without humans around, so I'm hoping for a comparison somewhere, like “Vaarunu's human servant Mary was a good friend to her and lived to be five teres, an old age for her kind” but not so awkward as that
“and begat ten daughters from the same man” … interesting, does this show they are a generally polygamous race?
“Andromeda ... Sunshine, … Sunrise and Sunset” ha, I feel like Andromeda was born during some kind of epic space age, and the triplets were born during post-war hippy years
“Rashina is four-hundred and twenty-three teres of age” … the sudden present tense makes me think this is modern times, and so either Rashina or her abandoned daughter are the main characters?
“STORIES … Vaaruna” … her story is kind of all over the place, she's humble but firm, sheltered but everyone is shocked to hear she is the most pure, adolescent but she easily ascends to the throne
“Through some odd twist of fate” … who is writing this bloodline? In other words, who is the narrator? An omniscient godlike narrator could just say what that “odd twist of fate” was, like “After assassinating her older sisters Jasmine assumed the throne” or I feel as if someone in the world would avoid embarrassing subjects or not call it “odd”
“socially unacceptable behavior -the birth, and abandonment, of a child out of wedlock” … the society that promotes polygamy has problems with children born out of wedlock?
“she met her end in a blazing flare of shattered dreams” … while lovely language, this feels like it doesn't fit the dry lineage stuff from before
“STORIES … Jasmine” … she seems to always (except once) be the wrong person for the job: she can't fit in to her family and she cracks under the pressures of ruling and her marriage ends because she forgot how to love at some point, but then a war starts with an ancient foe and suddenly she's the most prepared and capable leader ever thank goodness, but then she messes up one last time and it leads to her death
“Andromeda had fallen in love with a human” … excellent, so these are a different species and humans exist too. So how did that human Mitchel father eighteen children with her? Doesn't he only live for a brief part of her lifetime? I assume, since I don't know how long the humans live. This might be a good place for that comparison I mentioned, “Mitchel died of natural causes at the ripe age of one-hundred teres and Andromeda remained un-partnered for the rest of her three-hundred remaining teres”
“Andromeda led a large-scale scouting mission to broaden their knowledge and recognition of everything beautiful” … so let me see if I understand, they went exploring to find pretty stuff? That's silly but kind of fun too
“STORIES … Andromeda” … cool, so Andromeda did live during some kind of epic space war, fought and pretty much won a giant war, then married a human and they went on a fantastic voyage in search of pretty stuff
“she ended up going bitter; turning to her human side for comfort” … her human side is her dark side? I don't disagree, but isn't there anything else to it? And so her elf side is the goodness?
“the grime of earth life” … capitalizing Earth here and before would help me know it's a place, even if the Earth is some kind of low dirty place
“STORIES … Sunshine” … basically she was a rebellious teen, ran away from home and had cool adventures, met an elf boy who convinced her to return to paradise again because the power of love … although to be honest I feel like he's a little shady, “Come on baby, let's give up on this adventuring stuff and go live with your parents the rulers of paradise world”
“Andromeda was born on” … shouldn't they call her Andromeda II or something?
“when her home needed her to be around, she was prepared. There was an uprising of Zoconchren people who just wanted to force their will on others” … some of the word use here feels a little out of place, I want something more formal than “be around” and “just wanted” so like “when her home needed her she was prepared. There was an uprising of Zoconchren people who desired to force their will upon others”
“STORIES … Andromeda” … so she had cool adventures and then returned home to be a pretty decent ruler, but of course someone still had a problem with her, she died at the hands of one of them and left behind our protagonist
“not taken into account that they had children so young” … what does this mean? What I get is that the assassin decided to kill Adromeda II and would have killed Rashina too, but he was confused for some reason by finding a little kid and so didn't kill Rashina. I'm wanting a better reason, like she was invisible or hiding under the floorboards or something
“Only a year later Kulani got into a car accident … often beat the child into unconsciousness … several months of nightly torment, Rashina got pregnant” … kind of a roller-coaster of emotions here
“it reminded her of living on the streets again; save the roof over her head” … so is she happy here? I thought she liked living with the homeless people, even if she was growing weak, so a roof and parents that don't beat and rape her would be a big improvement in her life
“even entered into a few online classes to feed her ever-growing desire to learn” … so we've gone from epic fantasy world of adventures to modern world with high school and online classes? And how does the alien elf world fit in to this?
“a handsome young man, and Rashina couldn't help but fancy him” … the woman who has been through a torturous upbringing and so many bad relationships can still feel a fancy for someone? I don't believe it at all, not with that much trauma
“Rashina then set back out into the world so to finish the house that her and Orion had been working on” … and the elf kingdom of which she is some kind of long lost princess is fine with that?
“Rashina faded a little back into depression” … if she was pretty happy after adopting those three boys, why not adopt more? Apparently she doesn't like to be happy, or try the same thing twice
“There she found a device that could bend through dimensions” … what? This just became an entirely different story, and I feel like I've been thrown off by this sudden change from dark fantasy to world-hopping sci-fi
“She sneaked into her lover's house that night, and planted the babe in his wife's womb” … oh, um, so the elves are basically godlike? Putting your child inside the womb of another woman while she sleeps is some serious magical shenanigans, and why has Rashina never been described as having that level of magical power before?
“reprimanded for going out on her own like that when so many depended on her” … she won the war, with explosions no less, but she gets reprimanded?
“She would often sneak away to search for the child she had left” … which one? She's had like three now, and she doesn't know what happened to any of them
“Should there be more detail or explanation added, if so which parts?” … it depends on what you want. I was rarely confused and I thought there was enough detail in the earlier stories for a dry lineage sort of thing, but then Rashina's story was like a giant series summation. If you want each woman to have that level of detail, then yes they need more detail, especially the shorter ones like Andromeda I and II
“Am I using words and placement correctly?” … looks okay to me
“Do I overuse the semicolon or comma?” … it's good for this style of writing, and actually you use the semicolon more correctly than most people
“I tend to run-on or over describe; what would be your advice for rewording when I need to?” … the wording was sometimes a little informal for this kind of writing, and that's just a matter of reading your writing out loud and listening for the parts that feel out of place
“How do the characters seem to you? I ...I'm afraid ...Mary-Sue ...ish? How do you even make a character seem like a non-Sue when in a summary?” … well they are basically a powerful, possibly godlike lineage, and in fantasy fiction that means you get to be awesome. A Mary Sue is basically someone pretty normal for whom everything goes well even doing things that were difficult for others with much more experience and skill (the trope of the Mary Sue character comes from an old Star Trek fanfic someone wrote where a woman named Mary Sue came aboard the Enterprise and basically solved all their current problems out of author fiat) but your women protagonists have super magical powers and some kind of destined greatness and they still fail quite a lot so I wouldn't call them Mary Sues
“Should I detail them more in this so to look less flat?” … I wouldn't call them flat, not with this broad-strokes history style of writing, and there's enough there to show they each went through some tough character arcs to make them round
“How do the stories or way I told them feel to you? I'm not so great with structure” … I feel like you summarized a giant epic story series. The structure is fine for that, but it wouldn't be for prose fiction
“Are the stories even understandable?” … sure, I was able to summarize them for the most part
“Is there anything you think I ought to fix/rewrite/research/etc?” … Find some way to show how long a teres is, and how long the humans live compared to your elves. Maybe do some research on deep childhood trauma if you can stomach it, Jasmine's early life was infinitely worse than Batman's for example so it feels odd when she can fall in love like a normal happy sane person. Watch out for wild shifts in the tone or genre, going from grim fantasy to epic sci-fi in the blink of an eye for example, or at least try to mesh them together a little smoother. If Jasmine's story is the main story and everything else is background it makes sense that hers is the longest, but otherwise it might be interesting to have the other women's stories be as complex.
Do you have any more questions for me?